About Me

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I am a mother of a beautiful daughter with Hemifacial Microsomia. Graci has changed my life forever. I am so thankful for every day God gives me with her. I believe God created her the way he wanted her to be; and placed her in my life for a reason. I pray that he gives me strength and guidance I need to raise her to be a beautiful lady. Graci was born with mulitple birth defects. She has already undergone several surgeries and now we have reached the point in her life where she will have ear reconstuction on her microtia. This blog is for family, friends and others to read as we go through this amazing journey in California as Graci gets her new ear.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

2 Ears 2 See!

Time for things to get back to normal! Whatever normal is in a house with 2 kids, a dog and 2 stressed out parents. Graci returned to school with her head dressing on and everyone was "all ears" to hear about her trip and surgery. She had a good first day back getting lots of valentine's cards and candy. She came home with a smile. Mommy's first day back at work was extremely hard and started with lots of tears while sitting at my desk. It hurt my heart so bad to leave my family and return to work. I was missing them so bad and wanted to be surrounded by people who cared and didn't feel that way.

Well the only way to see a rainbow is to look through the rain. That's the feeling I felt when trying to explain to a 6 year old girl that her bandage had to come off. She didn't want it off because she knew in her mind that it didn't quite look like the other one. I explained to her that I wanted to see my sweet girl look me in eyes with 2 ears. She said OK, help me. I began to take the outer bandage off and she was shaking so bad. Tears were pouring down her face and she was screaming, "Stop Mommy, I'm scared". She was afraid and frightened. All I could think about was if this journey was ever going to live a scar on her life. A journey that she may later regret. I just kept reminding myself and remembering the smile on her face when I told her about her journey to her ear.

Graci DID IT! That is what she was yelling running down the hallway with the rest of the bandage. She had taken it off herself. She didn't want me in the room at all. I noticed her standing in front of the mirror working on trying to get it off. Mommy, I Did it! I looked up and said, "You are beautiful". I can't even begin to tell you the feeling I felt looking at my daughter with 2 ears. It was a breath taking moment and that is what life is all about not by the breaths we take, but seeing a little girl smile. She was glowing and ever so gorgeous. I know that Graci's not perfect and never will be, but she has reached up and grabbed the stars. I tell her often that it's not easy reaching for your dream but strength and courage will help you reach your goal.

Arriving Home!!

Well we couldn't have been more happier to see snow! You see our plane was delayed because 49 states had gotten snow. What was mother nature thinking, doing that to the Brown Family who was so eager to get home to the Tarheel State. We arrived at RDU with all smiles! In fact, when we landed, I shouted, "I love North Carolina". I had certainly had enough of the busy city life and was ready to get back to my roots. Well, GaGa was waiting right there for us as we were headed to get our luggage. I believe Griffin was the first one to spot him and ran up to him with his arms wide open. Tears were in all of our eyes.

The trip to Wilson was mostly of Thomas and his Dad talking about our time in California and all the incredible things we were able to do. Of course the kids feel asleep and were resting peacefully and I was able to gather some thoughts about "my little darling." I am so proud of her. I know that Graci is gifted in so many ways and she is constantly unwrapping her packages everyday. She truly amazes me!

When walking into the house it was such a surprise. There were pink and white balloons and streamers everywhere, banners, cards, candy and you could tell lots of love. A dear friend of the family, Missy Parker, had decorated the house and the kids room. She wanted us to feel special and especially the kids. They just loved it! In fact we just stopped what we were doing and started playing volleyball with the balloons. (Griffin's idea of fun). It was such a warm feeling coming into our home. Our family and friends have helped us along this journey more than they will ever know. Family is the most important thing in this world to me. My true friends have been my quite angels who sit on my shoulder and lift my wings when I have forgotten how to fly. Thank you to all of you.....and you know who you are!!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

North Carolina Bound....OR NOT?

Of course leaving California is always bittersweet. We have really come to love California because this is well it all started, where this remarkable journey began for Graci. We have made some wonderful memories here as a family. It certainty has made our time here so worth while knowing that we are here for "An Ear For Graci". Therefore, it is sad and often breaks my heart when we leave. It will be extremely sad when we say our good-byes in June. We owe so much to Dr. Brent and his staff for the love they have for children. He often says at times, "I wish I could help them all no matter their race or financial situation". He truly has a a heart for helping children with mircotia. He is like an artist with a surgeon's hand. It amazes me how he can construct ears for all these precious kids. He has over 25 years of experience and has repaired over 1,000 ears. Just a remarkable man with such talent.

Anyway, we are suppose to be home, but yet I am sitting back in this suite typing up this blog!!! Why??? Our flight got cancelled due to the weather all across the US. We all handled it well except Graci. She had a meltdown and just didn't understand why we couldn't just walk home since we have been doing alot of walking all week. Griffin was excited we were coming back to the "hotel" to stay. It was such a disappointment because we are ready to be home and to sleep in our own bed. We are ready to see some subdivisions, rednecks, big trucks, less traffic, people that speak English and just the smell of home!!

We decided to make the best of being stuck in San Fransisco!! So we took Griffin to Hooters and he even got a t-shirt. Actually we were all starving and it was the closet place around. Griffin thought all the girls were gorgeous and Graci couldn't understand why the girls were wearing what they were wearing. In fact, the first thing she said was, "Mommy look at their outfits". She will often tell you "what not to wear". She often looked at me this week and told me I looked terrible or she didn't like my pants or shirt. It's really hard being a DIVA. Anyway, we enjoyed our lunch, but I think Griffin did more. He was playing football with the girls and Graci even got to hola-hoop with them. We had a fun lunch and it was just what we needed to make us all laugh after a disappointing morning.

We walked around Fisherman's Wharf which is the #1 popular tourist attraction in San Fransisco with lots of side walk restaurants, shops and other attractions on the pier. We were able to shop for our friends and families and just admire the beautiful and busy city life. However, this made us want to be home even more. Well, we are suppose to take off in the am and are NC Bound....we hope :)

Friday, February 12, 2010

Post-Op

The post op appointment was hard for Graci. It took over a hour to get the stitches and packing out. Daddy was so helpful and held Graci's hand all along the way. The nurse was so sweet and was doing all she could to encourage Graci and to assure her that she would never hurt her. Graci was just so scared and it was so sad watching her like that. But we managed and we got through it and Graci was pleased. She looked in the mirror several times and said, "it looks good". We had to explain to her that the ear was quite swollen and seems to project almost too far from the head. However, as the skin graft heals it shrinks and pulls the ear close to the head again. The effect was somewhat dramatic but yet still amazing. The gauze patch was also removed from the groin leaving a nice scar. Afterwards, the nurse handed Graci the mirror and said, "Look at Graci with 2 ears". I almost started crying because our dream had come true. Our daughter now had 2 ears like her brother.

Well, Dr. Brent came and took a look at the ear and was pleased. He actually said it wasn't as swollen as most and it really looked close to size. The nurse then began to re-apply the head dressing and Graci said she was glad because she is so afraid of her ear. She is afraid that something or someone is going to mess it up. We take the head dressing off in 3-4 days and apply ointment to keep the skin graft on the back of the ear lubricated. The bad news is that there is a finale. We will be returning in June for 4th stage where he will touch up the rough spots with skin and this allows the ear to look smooth. Who would have every thought this process would take over a year but what a remarkable and exciting journey it has been.

We will post a picture once the head dresisng is off.............thank you all for your prayers, calls, text and emails!! Graci loves her Fans!!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Wonderful Week in CA

What a wonderful week we have had here in Southern California. Many mornings began with Griffin waking us all up with several kisses on the forehead and then him screaming that he wanted to go to the "Wobby" to eat breakfast. Breakfast was always nice sitting down as a family and Graci being so independent that she had to fix her breakfast by her self every morning. Griffin was the "king of the suite" and everyone heard him coming a mile away. He would let everyone in the "wobby" know exactly where we were sitting and how awful the food was at times. He ruled the roof, that's for sure. The last day here he walked around like a little "hottie" in his seersucker pants and polo shirt......he even wanted to wear the peach tie with sailboats and the coat to breakfast but I told him it wasn't church. He said, "Mom its my costume".

We visited the Children's Discovery Museum of San Jose. It is one of the largest museum of it's kind in the nation. The kids really enjoyed it and it's really well equipped. Both of them loved all the hands on equipment, the craft room and playing chef in the pizza room. Griffn loved the firetruck, ambulance and tractor that he could climb on. Graci's favorite part was the WaterWays. They enjoyed playing with the colorful balls and guided them through the many waterways and tunnels. Graci loved pulling the pulleys and watching the balls fly up and water splash all over her. Many times Thomas and I would just sit down and watch the kids learn through concrete interaction, touching, exploring, manipulating and experimenting. In fact, every day they asked to go back.

Welcome to the Alcatraz Island!! That is what we heard on our cell house audio tour. We heard it from the men who actually lived it from correctional officers and inmates who lived on the island during the infamous Federal Penitentiary Era. We took the Alcatraz Cruise and the viewed the San Francisco Bay and the Golden Gate Bridge from the island. It was amazing, in fact, it was breath taking. It was quite an interesting experience visiting a federal prison and trying to explain to a 3 and 6 year about prisoners. Griffin was scared that if he did anything wrong he would be sentenced to "life in Alcatraz". I can't forget to tell you that the distance through the Alcatraz is equivalent to climbing a thirteen story building. So we have a 3 year old who is constantly saying, "carry me" and a 6 year old who has just had ear reconstruction. What were we thinking?? The trip including lots of walking up steep and hilly distances. However, I must say it was an inescapable experience!!

We couldn't leave without going to the Golden Gate Park. It is a large urban park that consisted of over 1,000 acres. It is often compared to Central Park in NYC. It is the ultimate haven away from the urban chaos. It was definitely a place to play and relax after riding in the busy city trying to find the ends and out of the Park. There is so much to do there from gardens, museums, recreation to the ocean view. We only saw a short part of God's beautiful nature and only had a short time to explore the park but it was by far the most beautiful and calming place I've ever visited.

Later leaving their Mommy had to visit Chinatown. I had no idea it was the largest Chinatown outside of Asia. It was total nightmare trying to find it but when you did it was obvious you were in "Chinatown". It is about 8 blocks long and many shops are open and the streets are busy. Griffin did get to try on a San Fran Fire Dept. outfit with the Fireman. It was a pretty cool moment with Grififn on the streets of Chinatown rocking the Fireman gear. Let me make sure I mention that parking isn't just scare here, it's almost non-existent which can be very frustrating.
Leaving Chinatown wasn't fun............we ran into afternoon traffic and of course one of the biggest games of the UNC season was playing at 6 and we were stuck in traffic at 5:30. Not good for a girl who just spent over 100 dollars on pocketbooks and jewelry. Needless to say we got back to the room right before halftime and UNC still wasn't able to pull it through. So much for the good luck charms we bought in Chinatown.......Still Tarheels At Heart :)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

3rd stage Ear Surgery

We arrived bright and early at the El Camino Surgical Center. Graci almost made us late trying to decide what she was she was going to wear. I explained to her that it wasn't a fashion show and that she was about to have surgery. She said, I know Mommy but I can't look hideous. I just chuckled and reminded her of the lovely pj's that she was going to have to wear and the gorgeous hair bonnet that they were going to give her. We had our bags packed full of stuff for little "G-Man" to do while we waited anxiously for 3 hours for the princess to be done. Griffin has always been there for his sister. I don't think he will ever make it through life without his sister. He often calls her "Grace" and I know they will be soul mates for life. Griffin will look back at his childhood and the highlight will be always being there for his sister.

Well, 3rd stage ear reconstruction was just as successful as the 1st and 2nd. I can't even begin to tell you the feeling you get with Dr. Brent comes through those doors grinning from "ear to ear". He sits down right beside you and begins to tell you all about the procedure and shows you pictures. It just makes your heart flutter and you feel all warm inside. He explained that Graci did great and that she was such a trooper. Well, in recovery she slept alot and complained none.
She woke up wanting ice cream and of course for Mommy to never leave her side. I stayed the night with her and I even got to sleep in the hospital bed with her. We painted finger nails in bed and made valentine's day cards along with putting on lip gloss and eyeshadow. We both slept so good all snuggled up to one another.

It reminded me of a song by Martina McBride. In my daughter's eyes I am a hero, I am strong and wise and I have no fear. But the truth is plain to see she was sent to rescue me, I see who I won't to be in my daughter's eyes. In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal, darkness turns to light and everyone is at peace. The miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak. I find reason to believe in Graci's eyes. When I feel like giving up I see the light in my daughter's eyes and when she wraps her hands around my finger it puts a smile in my heart. In my daughter' eyes I can see the future and though one day she will grow and someday leave and maybe raise a family. When I am gone I hope you will see how happy you made me. There have been so many times when I have felt like giving up and it's so hard to hang on when your heart has had enough, but when I see the light in Graci's eyes, I soon realize what life is all about it.

Arriving in CA/Pre-OP

We arrived safe and sound in Southern California. There were lots of tears left behind. Graci and Mommy both cried together as we left MeMe and GaGa behind at the airport. Graci was constantly looking back at her MeMe and waving at her. It was the sweetest thing ever; and it just crushes my heart when she says, "Mommy, I don't' even want to go." Because I know deep down in her heart she wants her ear to be complete and to put this journey behind us.

We got all settled in our suite for the next 2 weeks and enjoyed some family time. We went for the pre-op and Dr. Brent explained to Graci that he was going to take some skin from her groin area and going to lift her ear off her head using her skin. This was going to allow her ear to look like a "real ear" producing a limited space behind the ear. She looked at him with her green eye and shrugged her shoulders and said, "Oh, OK." We had explained the procedure to her and she never once asked any questions. She is so humble and I am amazed every day by her strength. She always finds laughter and is able to smile no matter how painful her situation might be.....she is such a survivor. I know that at times she is scared to death but she her courage is remarkable. It's kind of like the saying from, Mother Teresa, "I know that God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." That reminds me of Graci Girl!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Packing in the Snow!!!

Wow, What a wonderful weekend we had and now it's time to pack for California. It is about 23 degrees here in North Carolina and have had some winter weather this weekend. It started Friday night and the kids played in the snow and rode their John Deer Tractor and we had some friends over for a snow celebration. Saturday and Sunday included with lots of sledding and many surprises. The kids had a blast snow tubing and sledding down the hills here in Wilson. Mommy was worried that Graci would get hurt three days before surgery, but we are all in tact leaving us with just a few bruises, scrapes and soreness.

Ok, well the packing and excitement starts today. We leave in the morning for RDU to fly to San Fransisco CA for 3rd stage ear reconstruction. The procedure begins with a skin graft which will be taken from Graci's groin region. This will leave a linear scar in the crease between the abdomen and thigh, somewhat like a hernia scar. The skin graft is used to make Graci's ear look like a "real ear". The 3rd stage separates the ear from the head with the skin graft, producing a limited space behind the ear. When this surgical procedure is first performed, the ear appears quite swollen and seems to project almost too far from the head. However, as the skin graft heals it shrinks and pulls the ear close to the head rather then an ear under the skin. Of all stages of the ear repair, the 3rd stage (the new ear) is probably most delicate and vulnerable after surgery, and trying to explain this to a very active 6 year old will be challenging. However, Graci will come home with a "new ear" and earrings. Yes, Dr. Brent pierces her ears before we leave so Graci will come home with pierced ear. The tears of course are now pouring down my face because our dreams are coming true and I am so happy for "sweet Graci". My heart hurts so bad for Graci and all that she has already gone through. Her journey to her ear ends soon, but her journey will never end. Graci will face so many challenges in the future and soon will go through 3 stage jaw reconstruction. But I have no doubt that she will be just as strong as she is now.

Mommy went out and shopped and bought Graci some new clothes because she has to have button up shirts and dresses to put over the head dressing. We also have a new vera bradley since we have had a new one on every trip and lots of goodies and fun things to do on the airplane. It's time to pack and rejoice in the Lord.....we are headed out in the am.

I can't end without thanking everyone for your thoughts, prayers and making this dream a reality. Thank you to our wonderful and beautiful family for always being there and for all the words of encouragement. There have been times when I was weak and have had endless nights of tears but hearing Graci and Griffin say, "Mommy why are you sad?" made me realize that no trouble is too big for me to overcome. My faithful and true friends have been the medicine of my life and have held my hands and have kept me strong. Difficult times have helped me understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way. Life has treated my family so well and we are so thankful and grateful in so many ways. Please pray for safety of travel and best wishes to Graci as the surgeon works on her ear. I pray that Graci is happy with the outcome and can't wait to see the smile on her face when the bandage is removed.

An Ear For Graci

An Ear For Graci

Graci's Song

Graci's Song

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